cookie crumbs

i feel so
misunderstood
in this
sea of perpetual misunderstanding
shifty eyes meet my perception every time i choose to look in an alternate direction even
for one minute
and then in two
we go from love to leery gestures
festering anger clearly there but
from where?
needing a sense of what's what and what's more is that the more i explore my own feelings and expand the way i relate
it seems that i'm met with more frustration and...
hate?
i hope not because my love runs thicker than the beauty of the london fog and one day i hope to travel overseas together and see the clouds
just her and i
and why things are difficult i cannot quite tell when, well, i am resigned to our personalities being different
and in many ways have come to embrace all of the different tidbits
in fact, i think i'm growing from them
and learning to meet them in the middle has made me a bigger person from them
i met her
and from then
i believe everything happened for a reason
but i cannot continue to feel like i am causing misery in a person who i value as much more than a friend
everything within her i need
i flourish on the things that challenge our existence
i just want to feel like i'm in this to win this with another winner
and not someone who is quick to judge and throw in the proverbial towel
my head and my heart cannot stand the thought of you being unfulfilled in my presence
because the essence of what i think we have and what i want us to be means something bigger and better
but i don't know if i'll ever know the real because the phony facade of happiness that reads complacency is far from transparent
i want you
and i need you
and i'm changing and growing
but today
and yesterday
i wonder if it's enough.