farewell, five letters

i say it when i know i should because i never want to feel like i didn't and missed the time to reconcile the moment
won't it
make things a little easier once the air is cleared
to say the letters five
loud and clear
especially when it's not fair to expect the same and remain silent?
i can do and do and do and then
somewhere amidst the do's
commit one don't
and the walls fall
all stands still until i utter those words into the air and then
even then
sometimes it still doesn't make ends meet again.
my heart's beats cease when all that i feel and am and do gets defeated by some meaningless assumption deep-seated in your brain
in vain
i often remain silent because to 'defend' myself is worthless in the eyes of the defeated
sometimes i love so hard it hurts
and i give until i bleed
and all i really want in return is to feel like
at the end of the day
i've satisfied the person that means the world to me
i say five letters because i mean them
because i never want to live my last breath feeling like someone didn't know i was bigger
and better than to be five letters less
less the pride and the gumption to refuse to
i say the five letters because sometimes
it's worth the word over anguish
the word of worry
the word over...
over the end.
i'm sorry
are you?

Spoken Lyrics for MJ

august 29th brought a remarkable talent to life
him and 8 siblings blessed the world and the world watched, waiting
stared on at the life and strife that would insue
and you
and i
bore witness to the 7th of the bunch breath magical air into dreams
Billie Jean was not his lover but
Michael Jackson was mine.

in fact i
Remember The Time i first cried watching him perform
glittered glove glory
penny loafer-clad feet gliding across stages like the biblical travel on water
he
too
helped people make sense of the senseless surrounding
all of this in his swift steps and grace
giving faith to fans who had no other way and could only watch a young man from Gary, Indiana travel the land in grand form
earned by hard work and dedication but, above all, humility and honor
braving childhood-less beginnings and inappropriate child accusations
only to still Heal The World by stopping with the Man In The Mirror.

his reflection made me believe that there were places larger than this
people more caring than these
and causes larger than our own daily drawl
in him
i saw a distant friend to all
the definition of talent
of entertainment
of music
of humanitarianism
of heart.

his bigger gift to the world is undoubtedly his legacy of hands-on concern for mankind
talking the talk
walking the walk
dancing the dream
a son, a brother, a friend, a musician, a humanitarian, a legend
I Wanna Be Where You Are but
because of you
I will continue on here some more to Make A Change For Once In My Life
Who Am I
To Be Blind
Pretending Not To See Them Weep?

Michael Jackson was and is the unforgettable Thriller.

cookie crumbs

i feel so
misunderstood
in this
sea of perpetual misunderstanding
shifty eyes meet my perception every time i choose to look in an alternate direction even
for one minute
and then in two
we go from love to leery gestures
festering anger clearly there but
from where?
needing a sense of what's what and what's more is that the more i explore my own feelings and expand the way i relate
it seems that i'm met with more frustration and...
hate?
i hope not because my love runs thicker than the beauty of the london fog and one day i hope to travel overseas together and see the clouds
just her and i
and why things are difficult i cannot quite tell when, well, i am resigned to our personalities being different
and in many ways have come to embrace all of the different tidbits
in fact, i think i'm growing from them
and learning to meet them in the middle has made me a bigger person from them
i met her
and from then
i believe everything happened for a reason
but i cannot continue to feel like i am causing misery in a person who i value as much more than a friend
everything within her i need
i flourish on the things that challenge our existence
i just want to feel like i'm in this to win this with another winner
and not someone who is quick to judge and throw in the proverbial towel
my head and my heart cannot stand the thought of you being unfulfilled in my presence
because the essence of what i think we have and what i want us to be means something bigger and better
but i don't know if i'll ever know the real because the phony facade of happiness that reads complacency is far from transparent
i want you
and i need you
and i'm changing and growing
but today
and yesterday
i wonder if it's enough.