Thursday, December 22, 2005

an ode to the holiday season

an ode to the holiday season

the holidays, by tradition, are a usual occurrence. they are not something that we have to wish for, or something that we can only imagine of more often than it playing out in reality. the holiday season is annual. year in and year out, the holiday season occurs and we take part in it, willingly or not. it often springs on us, with the everyday bustle of each individual's life causing the onset of it to be sudden. sometimes the holiday season is seen as a hinderance, with time lost from work and money lost to the celebration thereof, so forth and so on. in this way, the holiday season's purpose and vision becomes convoluted. people are jaded by the bells and whistles that now exist as influx for what began as a pure, unsolicited, time of cheer and thanks of birth. at present, the holiday season means more fiscally to many than emotionally and spiritually. the holiday season, our annual culminating experience, runs the risk of dying inside.

instead, the holiday season ought to be lauded unconditionally. the true spirit of the season is not the loss of occupational time or money, it is the girth of love and warmth. the true spirit is the celebration of all that has been given to us on this earth, as created by that which thrives in heaven, in a manner that presents the adequate amount of praise and recognition. the holiday season is a time to laugh and cry in the same breath, to remember those who you love and care for, past, present, and future, and wish them good health and happiness, it is the time to share, albeit monetarily or emotionally, to express your feelings to those who deserve it, to cherish, to hug, to help those around you in any way that you can to appreciate life and living and another year completed on your feet.

the year of 2005 has been filled with a myriad of positive and negative events that contribute to the continued building of the fabric of the human experience. tsunamis, hurricanes, earthquakes, and wars alike have threatened to break our spirits and faith. they have tried the very core of the human heart and released levels of outpouring of emotions and helping hands across nations and ethnic boundaries, in efforts to help fellow man to understand that roads do not have to be straight and clear in order to be survived. 2005, for me, has restored much of my faith in being human. through it all, people continue to exhibit a sense of the central mores and values that keep the earth going. this brand of sentiment will continue to move mountains and make waves in oceans across the world. eventually, this same spirit may bring us to a height of world peace never previously experienced in this lifetime.

in the same breath, however, we have lost so many loved ones and people who have touched our hearts and lives from afar. many have made the journey from earth to the heavenly father and now watch over us from above. mothers, fathers, sons, daughters, grandmothers, grandfathers, cousins, uncles, aunts have all sacrificed this year and now exist in a better place. still, the pain of losing them to the earth has created a new sense of wealth - not in the monetary fashion but, rather, that of the heart. the knowledge of that which exists above, watching over us everyday, restoring our hearts and minds and giving us their warmth from afar, renews life, in a sense. there is simply never, ever a reason to not praise. i, myself, have had and continue to have moments where i feel hopeless and want to leave the earth. i have moments where the world seems too complicated and lonely and i, too, lose sight of all of the marvelous things and people that are the reasons why, despite my moments of death on earth, i continue to exist here. i continue here because i acknowledge that there is still much more work to do.

truth is, the spirit of the holiday season, that which i believe to be slowly dying, is a spirit that ought to exist all year round. it is a spirit that is essential to the well-being of daily life. look at someone next to you and around you and hug them, ask them how their day is going, and, chances are, you many find that either they, too, struggle, or that you should be more thankful for your own circumstances because they struggle a bit more than you. knowing that there is someone else out there who has it worse than you is not a ploy to make you feel guilty. instead, it is meant to remind you of the reality of the world and not only to remind you, but rather, to mobilize you, and help you to be proactive and try, as best as you can, to even the plain.

there is always more work to do and everyone is capable of it.

this season, do not think of the holidays as a time for gifts with bows and wrapping paper. think of it as a time to renew your spirit of giving. the human spirit is meant to pay it forward. pay it forward. make a difference that will resound from the rooftops of your body and radiate to bounds unknown. it is easier than you think.

you can donate money or food or clothing, if you have it. if you don't, you can still give.

donate love.

just as the maker created everything here on earth, and even that which exists above and beyond it for when your time on earth is finished, for us to embrace and make our own individual and human group experiences, each of us ought to pay it forward. jesus died to enable us to live. he leaves a legacy of his creations who, too, have died for similar purposes. those who have fought for equality and freedom and peace...those who continue the battles with a certain devotion that is indescribable by the limitations of the human language. it is only action that can truly express the sentiment.

this is what the holiday season is about. paying it forward. action instead of reaction. love instead of hate. heart instead of mind. after all, isn't that the best lesson to learn? isn't that the best single thing to take out of any given experience? the holiday season may come every year no matter what, but what is to become of the experience of the holiday season without these revelations? what if it isn't what it once was? then the whole experience is shattered. we would be remise without this time of year to restore that which has been strained all of the months prior. the holiday season seeks to replenish and nourish the mind, the heart, and, most importantly, the soul.

can you feel that?

i think it's the holiday season all over again.

Friday, December 9, 2005


long nights spent
stares exchanged
one by one
each began to fall
even those without the stares
those in the corner
with masks over their faces
leaving little to go on
and even less to believe
sweaty thoughts
palms clam
teeth grit
but seldom consistent
all arise in the same breath
commotion and complexity surface
i remain as confused as the first line
to what do i owe the influx of complication?
and how much of it is genuine?
grappling with hours that pass
minutes that drag
leaving little and less answers
in betwixt and between the second hand.

Sunday, December 4, 2005


shots go off
in the face of the young
so many strung
out on the drugs
don't take the time to know where they come from
by the reality of living black
don't want to take it back
instead try to be proud and fight stacked
with the weapons and the warfare of the mouth
nigga this nigga that
strapped with gats
filled with black thoughts of black supposed pride
self-inflicted homicides
racing through the news
nothing to do
except watch an entire race repeat the cycle
lives lost
bullets spray
another day with no higher learning
just the burning
of the flesh and the wounds in the chests
children watching and learning habits of the past
never free at last
never won
no battles
continuously looking like cowards
doing no good in your hood
thinking you make change?
dying fast and living poor
thinking little
acting less
and at best
you know what's worse
we think we're cursed
doomed to repeat the same nigga cycles
living the same nigga nightmares
in the same nigga hoods while the whites live in castles
truth dot
corrupt cops
government stops progress
but breakdown is
cycle starts
with nigga as brethren
instead of nigga as poison
complex history of a derogatory
word so-called embodied by the black man to gain solidarity?
why respect black
in the white situation
if the black themselves spend time wasting
energy and jargon on a word and a lifestyle that harms
past, present, future
ancestors slayed for
the demolishing
of the nigga stereotype
nigga lifestyle
nigga prototype
set up in the big white house with the fence
foundation rooted in nonsense
perpetuated by...
fuck that
death comes by self
no help
until the vernacular checks itself
finds new material
instead of recycling the old
black use of nigga words and lifestyles makes racism calm
no sweaty palms
at the hands of the man who made the full-proof plan
that continues to disturb the psychological stability
of the black figure

one question
would you ever
your mother or father
grandmother or grandfather
to their face
dap with cap turned back
cocky and poised on the block

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

the trickle effect

the trickle effect
hits the frame
love, lust, and confusion
remain in the forefront
brains busy
bodies hurting
physicality deteriorating at the core
trickle trickle down
frowns berade my being
no one truly seeing
the thoughts within
people seeing but not observing
listening but not hearing
the pangs of pressure in my presupposed position
with pounds of presupposed missions
my head filled with superstitions
nightmares where i'm not aware
of the stares i receive
when i stop being the person that people perceive to be
the trickle effect
when it rains it pours
when it trickles it streams
when will i figure out what it all means

Monday, September 26, 2005


is it so hard for people to see
the person inside that is really me
i realize i may seem unworthy of sympathy
i ask not that of you
but maybe some
friendship that won’t make me sick
with the bullshit infallacies it commits
false commitments
being here
and being there
when really
you aren’t anywhere but
with yourself

self-help that reflects the feelings felt
of involvement and preoccupation
with the one and only
it must be just me
that is not satisfied
with the idea of
at the hands of selfish time

fuck that
fuck this
i’m done with the bullshit
that encrypts my brain
leaves it
sharp pains sharp pains
damaged by the worry of other people’s plans and
of other people’s well-beings
more often than not
it is only them they are seeing
bleeding bleeding bleeding
objects in the mirror are closer than they appear
i fear that
the world will soon collapse in itself
you and i
can’t find the time
to extend help to others who have felt
the pain that we feel
the stress that we have
i’m so glad
that there is someplace beyond this

all of these
human misfits
cause me to rip shit
i lay awake at night
hoping and praying
wishing and gazing
in the sky
for a flicker of light
that will give me more direction
on civilization’s plight

how trite
to think
that all there is is what meets the eye
i spy more
than you’ve ever bothered to figure
it was quicker
to assume the best
instead of realizing
that the demeanor of you friend
is not as clean as you would have liked in the end

nauseous nights
leave room for thinking
how long until i can be swept from this polluted ship sinking
heavy with
egos and agendas
please put an end to
my journey on the titanic of troubled tricks
i am told
i think too much
i worry more than i should
but when i am no longer here
to think and worry
i wonder if that will do anyone any good

it’s easier said than done
before you judge
think before you speak
you may never know what you are dealing with at the other end
blank, bleak eyes
waiting for a positive surprise
may be also eagerly seeking a speedy demise
comprised of
fast-paced, no delay, sways away
from the bustle of this place
waiting, “will someone just get rid of me?”
can’t everyone just exhibit a little more sensitivity?

Wednesday, September 7, 2005

empty jargon

everything that you say to me is taken with a grain
of salt i walk this earth wondering often if it's my fault
that so many see me and treat me the way they want to treat
assuming "oh it's sakai. she'll always be there for me."
that's not fair
nor is it right
and i'm getting too old to pick fights
this shit is trite
especially given all of the new orleans plight
people can say so many things about me
but the one thing
that cannot be said
is that i am self-centered wholly
see, i try to think outside the box
get dirty with issues
take off my socks
walk a mile in someone else's shoes before i'm rude
you never know
what someone else may have going on
even when you think
their whole world is sweet
just like your favorite r&b song
you may be wrong
and then
save the explanations
your energy is what you're wasting
because your talk is empty
and i'm not chasing
your time
your friendship
it's up to you if you commit
i love you
and care for you
action is up to you
because, for right now,
i quit.

Saturday, September 3, 2005

bourbon blisters

high winds and thunderstorms warn
of the impending doom of the people of the bourbon city
with empty promises of a bustling metropolis renewed
people scorn babies torn from all that they have known
levees fall
these citizens of the states united of a. stand tall
needing resources and hopeful courses to lead the way out
reused excuses and statements hatched in the white house basement
bush's only engagement with the new orleans enragement
arises out of a propensity to be preoccupied with the security
of petroleum gas fuel for the noveau underrepresented slaveship
that we call rescue
explain how so few military crew have come to the relief of the sad and mad
presupposed to be less that that currently roaming the streets of baghdad
convoys of 'our boys' with their military machine toys
govern over the weak and the restless
with teflon in their vests
bearing heavy hearts to get off of their chests
knowing that the federal powers that be
that have sent them to 'govern and protect'
are not truly doing their best
guns blazing over hurricane victims like savage animals in cages
i'm still not sure why it amazes me
you see
here in the melting pot of dilapidated democracy
we cannot seem to come to the aid of minorities as rapidly as we do overseas
people on their knees on rooftops
children missing moms and pops
guns cocked and wonder why they hear shots
and frustrated
inundated with hopelessness and fatigue
as outsiders
can any of us really empathize with those of the southern city of new orleans?
politicians with small ambition of our beloved country stall on pivotal decisions on the hill
while more and more evacuees in astrodomes and convention centers and highways get ill
these bastards won't pass the referendums to get the mission filled
a historical city under water with little to no order
now earnestly has some blues to share stemming from the unraveled seams of its very own french quarter
i dare condolezza rice or colin powell to pack a towel and travel there for one night to sleep on one cot
in fear of getting raped or shot
these people pillage because they have not
no man can claim to understand what it feels like to be in this wasteland
with every impending day
a growing sense that you are a forgotten prisoner of war
on your own land.

Sunday, August 21, 2005


the lighting in the room
slow glances exchanged across
wall to wall
i smell the fear of honesty
but still crave it as reality.
complicated interactions make time with you
enjoyment fast turns into
in attempts to figure you out.
playful banter disguises the ‘other’
whose presence is undeniable.
in the rhythms of your body and jargon
‘other’ seeps through.
can glances translate into words?
or is something much larger in the way?
i appreciate your poise
ethereal from start to finish
but aptly identify it as translucent
gossamer on a dewdropped day
attracting and detracting all in the same breath.

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

"untitled" and "untitled"


worlds swirling

bodies dying

crying on the outside

inner emotions

boil at the sound

of babies cries

bombs ignited

we've fought for freedom before

clearly lost

a battle evolves

grows larger and more complicated

politics sophisticated


by those with wits duller

than you and i?

fighting the good fight

at home

while soldiers continue to roam the homes

of countries unknown where the only contact

with love they have is through the phone

by they still fight

guns blazing

american flags waving in the air

acknowledging a land where the laws

and systems don't listen to the people whose

hopes and dreams

day after day

year after year

they are missing.

as i christen this page

introspective and enraged

in the zone and engaged

i know

that there is more to do

than this.



i remember a time

when you said you were genuine

when you claimed that

no longer would my only venting instrument

be my pen

that you would


through thick and thin

even attempt to mend

some of the pains and hardships

i experience within


in the end you left

exited from your commitment

a reflection of your degenerate


unfair you were

when you took your ear away

i cannot easily be swayed

to forgive for this

misfit friendship

to which you lacklusterly commit

i am no longer equipped

to deal with this bullshit

i can only follow your negative lead

and quit.

Tuesday, July 19, 2005


out from under the cloak of indifference

i appear



and taller than most

grasping tightly to the reality of the dream deferred to the man whose dream remains reality in ruins.

i climb mountains

just to see over the top

crawl through tunnels

to find a flicker of light

hole to hole

forever searching for the way out.

the troops follow

one by one

they, too, hover to see the flicker

cloaks tossed

they see and want more.

truth reveals itself as streaming light

i am a guide.


in pursuit of the same stream

and still

grapple with the same darkness.

using the cloak

only to shield away those in its likeness

lest the struggle continue without progress.

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

a short poem medley


usually i can see the approach
before you think
i see it coming and i know
it's different.
because instead of running away
i sit
or stand
and wait
and then they meet
and feel
i stare
to see what is there
and all beyond that which i have yet to know.
i find myself in the grace of beauty,
pleasantly lost.


it's hard to express in words
what can only be said with
the heart
impossible to understand
unless you feel
the things that i do within
to see
to feel
to touch
the essence of being intertwined
i want to know
but am afraid to wake up.


sempre vedo a te
con occhi aperti
senza pensamiento prima
solo con armonia
la pace e te
sapere che sciegli d'essere con me
arriva come una sopresa


confused confluttered thoughts
streaming consciousness through discontent
a cloud surfaces amid the sunshine
the rain is gone and the rainbow
is near
vision is blurred
but emotions are signs of clarity
clear feelings
close crave
far fetched
sunshine seeps in
soak up the rays
still no rainbow
but still i smile and look

arranged madness

looking there hurts
because it feels so good
i know you the way you know me
the way to know each other
no other can be you
no other can feel you
no other can be for you
no one but me
the way to see
the way too need
that way is you
it shouldn't hurt to feel this thing
deep within me
this thing is real
this thing is you

can't help but smile when you're around
i feel the twisting in my soul
i feel the world a different way
when i'm with you

the things you know are so unreal
but still so much is left to learn
can't eat or sleep
my knees get weak
when i'm with you

is it wrong to fantasize during the day?
especially the way i feel
i can't control my head
my heart gets in the way
steers me in the direction
of your face
my feelings have no place here
if you knew, what would you say?
would you turn me away?

wondering what you're seeing
what you are thinking
infiltrating my being
everything i want is you

Saturday, June 25, 2005

getting to the core

sometimes i just need to be me
because it's clear that others have trouble seeing
the person i'm trying to be and
the missions i'm trying to lead and
i need people to make progress
not digress from my plan
i need them to understand
that i am only human
there's a creed that i have to follow
you have a creed?
or are you hollow?
i ought to
scream from the rafters
tell everyone exactly what i'm after
i've kept silent
obedient to my environment
o when will that ever change?
or as the rock of gibraltar shall i remain?
do people see what i see?
when they walk down the street
do people hear what i hear?
when i cringe
watching the news in fear
or do people choose to ignore
willingly ignorant at the core
consumed with their own wants and desires
never on task for something higher
i'm on it
despite the others
who still drag at my feet
i want all of it to change
despite those who want me to meet defeat
i crave to make it better
despites souls that seem deader
than the deadest limb
on the deadest tree
fallen waywardly
into the deadest sea.

Friday, June 3, 2005


futures unfolding in measures of length
time reveals many who enter
in the same breath
many who remain
it lingers only momentarily on those who exit
showing me a new
more progressive way of light
in the revelations of the future
i see you
brilliantly bright
the image of an angel
engulfed in a world that is not yet ready for her presence
a world that complicates her daily existence
but only penetrates the surface of her perfection
she is brighter
more brilliant
than the world allows her to see
and yet
her light shines bright in my vision
to me
she is clearer than most
she appears to me in an instant
but i know that she is meant to stay
much longer
"an angel on earth? but how? and why? and for whom?"
i ask the highest guide
whose reply to me is rhetorical
indicating to me
that she
the angel on earth
so brilliant
so bright
is here
for me.

Monday, May 9, 2005

for the light at the end of the tunnel

for the light at the end of the tunnel:

su cuerpo me hace temblar
siento su belleza el rodeando de mì
usted me hace sentir mejor
veo sus ojos en la obscuridad
me dirigen al lucero
el amor que tengo para ti en mi alma funciona profundamente
me penetra
tiemblo cuando oigo su voz
le necesito
contigo ya no tengo miedo.

Wednesday, May 4, 2005


every time you walk away
the sound of your breathing gets louder
drawing me nearer
to the mirage of you
in the forefront of my soul.
i feel myself
growing closer
to the dream
still knowing the reality.
the dream,
gets silenced by the reverberating reality of our surroundings
i stand firm
wanting a stronghold on a place in your world
that no longer exists behind
in front
of the frame.
a history of friendship
evolved into sensations
i daydream about you at night.
and the search for your physical intimacy during the day.
every moment of the search
takes my breath away
you force me to catch it
confused and conflicted,
you've placed yourself in my heart
but have a place in someone else's life.
i know you feel safety in my bed
my arms wrap your body in grace and tranquility.
my legs with security and poise.
my lips and my tongue with a smoothed rhythm.
your presence pieces everything together
creating a whole.
i risk falling
losing concentration whenever
the fixation occurs on you.
i catch myself
trying not to close my eyes too tight
too often
in fear that the mirage will appear to me
as more of a fantasy
than anything in my grasp.
perhaps most frustrating
in this land of contrived
and confusing charisma
is that you cannot see how bright you truly are.
how high you are
how permeating your being is
to any human soul
how touching your demeanor is
you do not know
the melting you cause
the trembling your hands calm
the influx of heat when pressed against my
the essence of you.


¿por què es tan fàcil conseguir perdido en sus ojos? usted me tiene y me confunde en cada momento que pasamos juntos.