me

is it so hard for people to see
the person inside that is really me
comparatively
i realize i may seem unworthy of sympathy
i ask not that of you
but maybe some
friendship that won’t make me sick
with the bullshit infallacies it commits
false commitments
of
being here
and being there
when really
you aren’t anywhere but
with yourself

self-help that reflects the feelings felt
of involvement and preoccupation
with the one and only
it must be just me
that is not satisfied
with the idea of
self-social-homicide
at the hands of selfish time

fuck that
fuck this
i’m done with the bullshit
that encrypts my brain
leaves it
pained
sharp pains sharp pains
damaged by the worry of other people’s plans and
of other people’s well-beings
when
more often than not
it is only them they are seeing
bleeding bleeding bleeding
objects in the mirror are closer than they appear
i fear that
the world will soon collapse in itself
because
you and i
can’t find the time
to extend help to others who have felt
the pain that we feel
the stress that we have
i’m so glad
that there is someplace beyond this

all of these
human misfits
cause me to rip shit
sick-stomached
i lay awake at night
hoping and praying
wishing and gazing
in the sky
for a flicker of light
that will give me more direction
on civilization’s plight

how trite
to think
that all there is is what meets the eye
i spy more
than you’ve ever bothered to figure
it was quicker
to assume the best
instead of realizing
that the demeanor of you friend
is not as clean as you would have liked in the end

nauseous nights
leave room for thinking
how long until i can be swept from this polluted ship sinking
heavy with
egos and agendas
please put an end to
my journey on the titanic of troubled tricks
i am told
i think too much
i worry more than i should
but when i am no longer here
to think and worry
i wonder if that will do anyone any good

it’s easier said than done
before you judge
think before you speak
you may never know what you are dealing with at the other end
blank, bleak eyes
waiting for a positive surprise
may be also eagerly seeking a speedy demise
comprised of
fast-paced, no delay, sways away
from the bustle of this place
waiting, “will someone just get rid of me?”
can’t everyone just exhibit a little more sensitivity?

empty jargon

everything that you say to me is taken with a grain
of salt i walk this earth wondering often if it's my fault
that so many see me and treat me the way they want to treat
assuming "oh it's sakai. she'll always be there for me."
that's not fair
nor is it right
and i'm getting too old to pick fights
this shit is trite
especially given all of the new orleans plight
people can say so many things about me
but the one thing
that cannot be said
is that i am self-centered wholly
see, i try to think outside the box
get dirty with issues
take off my socks
walk a mile in someone else's shoes before i'm rude
you never know
what someone else may have going on
even when you think
their whole world is sweet
just like your favorite r&b song
you may be wrong
and then
what?
save the explanations
your energy is what you're wasting
because your talk is empty
and i'm not chasing
your time
your friendship
it's up to you if you commit
i love you
and care for you
action is up to you
because, for right now,
i quit.

bourbon blisters

high winds and thunderstorms warn
of the impending doom of the people of the bourbon city
with empty promises of a bustling metropolis renewed
people scorn babies torn from all that they have known
levees fall
these citizens of the states united of a. stand tall
needing resources and hopeful courses to lead the way out
refugees
reused excuses and statements hatched in the white house basement
bush's only engagement with the new orleans enragement
arises out of a propensity to be preoccupied with the security
of petroleum gas fuel for the noveau underrepresented slaveship
that we call rescue
explain how so few military crew have come to the relief of the sad and mad
presupposed to be less that that currently roaming the streets of baghdad
convoys of 'our boys' with their military machine toys
govern over the weak and the restless
with teflon in their vests
bearing heavy hearts to get off of their chests
knowing that the federal powers that be
that have sent them to 'govern and protect'
are not truly doing their best
guns blazing over hurricane victims like savage animals in cages
i'm still not sure why it amazes me
you see
here in the melting pot of dilapidated democracy
we cannot seem to come to the aid of minorities as rapidly as we do overseas
people on their knees on rooftops
children missing moms and pops
guns cocked and wonder why they hear shots
shocked
and frustrated
inundated with hopelessness and fatigue
as outsiders
can any of us really empathize with those of the southern city of new orleans?
politicians with small ambition of our beloved country stall on pivotal decisions on the hill
while more and more evacuees in astrodomes and convention centers and highways get ill
these bastards won't pass the referendums to get the mission filled
a historical city under water with little to no order
now earnestly has some blues to share stemming from the unraveled seams of its very own french quarter
i dare condolezza rice or colin powell to pack a towel and travel there for one night to sleep on one cot
in fear of getting raped or shot
these people pillage because they have not
no man can claim to understand what it feels like to be in this wasteland
with every impending day
a growing sense that you are a forgotten prisoner of war
on your own land.

untitled

the lighting in the room
dim
slow glances exchanged across
wall to wall
i smell the fear of honesty
but still crave it as reality.
complicated interactions make time with you
mystifying.
enjoyment fast turns into
synthesizing
in attempts to figure you out.
playful banter disguises the ‘other’
whose presence is undeniable.
in the rhythms of your body and jargon
‘other’ seeps through.
can glances translate into words?
or is something much larger in the way?
i appreciate your poise
ethereal from start to finish
but aptly identify it as translucent
gossamer on a dewdropped day
attracting and detracting all in the same breath.

"untitled" and "untitled"

untitled

worlds swirling

bodies dying

crying on the outside

inner emotions

boil at the sound

of babies cries

bombs ignited

we've fought for freedom before

clearly lost

a battle evolves

grows larger and more complicated

politics sophisticated

proliferated

by those with wits duller

than you and i?

fighting the good fight

at home

while soldiers continue to roam the homes

of countries unknown where the only contact

with love they have is through the phone

by they still fight

guns blazing

american flags waving in the air

acknowledging a land where the laws

and systems don't listen to the people whose

hopes and dreams

day after day

year after year

they are missing.

as i christen this page

introspective and enraged

in the zone and engaged

i know

that there is more to do

than this.

--

untitled

i remember a time

when you said you were genuine

when you claimed that

no longer would my only venting instrument

be my pen

that you would

listen

through thick and thin

even attempt to mend

some of the pains and hardships

i experience within

but

in the end you left

exited from your commitment

a reflection of your degenerate

nature

unfair you were

when you took your ear away

i cannot easily be swayed

to forgive for this

misfit friendship

to which you lacklusterly commit

i am no longer equipped

to deal with this bullshit

i can only follow your negative lead

and quit.

cloaked

out from under the cloak of indifference

i appear

solid

steadfast

and taller than most

grasping tightly to the reality of the dream deferred to the man whose dream remains reality in ruins.

i climb mountains

just to see over the top

crawl through tunnels

to find a flicker of light

hole to hole

forever searching for the way out.

the troops follow

one by one

they, too, hover to see the flicker

cloaks tossed

they see and want more.

truth reveals itself as streaming light

i am a guide.

only.

in pursuit of the same stream

and still

grapple with the same darkness.

using the cloak

only to shield away those in its likeness

lest the struggle continue without progress.

a short poem medley

contact

usually i can see the approach
before you think
i see it coming and i know
it's different.
because instead of running away
i sit
or stand
and wait
and then they meet
and feel
i stare
to see what is there
and all beyond that which i have yet to know.
i find myself in the grace of beauty,
pleasantly lost.




untitled

it's hard to express in words
what can only be said with
the heart
impossible to understand
unless you feel
the things that i do within
to see
to feel
to touch
the essence of being intertwined
i want to know
but am afraid to wake up.





untitled

sempre vedo a te
con occhi aperti
senza pensamiento prima
solo con armonia
la pace e te
sapere che sciegli d'essere con me
arriva come una sopresa





untitled

confused confluttered thoughts
streaming consciousness through discontent
a cloud surfaces amid the sunshine
the rain is gone and the rainbow
is near
vision is blurred
but emotions are signs of clarity
clear feelings
close crave
far fetched
sunshine seeps in
soak up the rays
still no rainbow
but still i smile and look






arranged madness

looking there hurts
because it feels so good
i know you the way you know me
the way to know each other
no other can be you
no other can feel you
no other can be for you
no one but me
the way to see
the way too need
that way is you
it shouldn't hurt to feel this thing
deep within me
this thing is real
this thing is you

can't help but smile when you're around
i feel the twisting in my soul
i feel the world a different way
when i'm with you

the things you know are so unreal
but still so much is left to learn
can't eat or sleep
my knees get weak
when i'm with you

is it wrong to fantasize during the day?
especially the way i feel
i can't control my head
my heart gets in the way
steers me in the direction
of your face
my feelings have no place here
if you knew, what would you say?
would you turn me away?

wondering what you're seeing
what you are thinking
infiltrating my being
everything i want is you